Let's get straight to the point shall we? This particular Red Carpet had it's hits and it's misses. Mostly misses. It's a red carpet event. You don't half step because it isn't the Oscars. Well many of them did and they are about to pay for it here on my blog. I have a saying "If I made even close to the amount of money these fools make, you would never catch me looking like a scrub any where in public. Especially a Red Carpet event."
If this is what so called Hollywood Royalty is supposed to look like, they can keep it. Angelina Jolie is so pretty... blah blah blah. She looks stupid in this dress by Max Azria. Her tattoos were showing in the low-cut back of this dress, and as well know, she has some of the worst tattoos in Hollywood. I don't give a shit what they mean to her, they look like a mess of ink on her. Her arms are like small sticks, her hair is like my grandma from the 60's.
I am so over Brad and Angelina. I don't give a shit what they wear, how many kids they have or pluck out of third world countries without any red tape. I like Brad as an actor, but Angelina Jolie is the most overrated pile of shit actor to grace our presence. The End.
Eva Longoria. Haven't we seen this on her before? The color has been done before, the cut makes her hips looks huge. I thought the idea was to make your ass look fat not your hips? I am not feeling it. Not because she doesn't look pretty, because she does. But because she has done this look before and needs a radical change.
Emily Blunt. All I can say is that she invokes pure jealousy in her silver dress. No spandex to suck it all in. Gurrl, I will claw your eyeballs out.
Lisa Edlestein again in red. She came last year at some red carpet event in red and looked stunning. I like this sort of red Grecian Goddess look. Some of the fashion watchers are crediting Michelle Obama for the one shoulder look. But in reality, these dresses were picked ages ago, fashion designers have a trend they run with. Michelle Obama looked fab for the Inauguration Balls, but I would hardly say her dress is the trendsetter for the red carpets.
Christina Hendricks. This bitch gives porno face on the red carpet. I can't stand her, I can't stand the show Mad Men. And just because she has huge tit's doesn't make her hot. She is disgusting. Watch E for their Fashion Police so you can see the face she gives to cameras. She is so in love with herself its gross. She also looks fat in her dress. This is the worst red carpet for hips. Everyone seemed to have the wrong dress for their hips. P.S. her new fiance is FUG just like her.
Viola Davis. Yes! Simple cut, simple design, and that yellow popping off of her gorgeous black skin is fierce. Fabulous.
Taraji P. Henson. She looks stunning. Albeit a little plain. Sometimes understated elegance is exactly what the red carpet needs.
Oh lord. America Ferrera looks like a dump truck... Again. She usually picks a bold color that is flattering and slimming to her figure. Last year she wore some black dress that looked like a huge garbage bag. "Who are you wearing Miss Ferrera?" "Oh this old thing? This is was made by the Glad company."
This year she wore a fugly light brown from Vera Wang. Bleh. Again her hips look massive. But on the plus side she did some work on her arms and they don't look as massive or flabby as they used to. I hate to say it but if you are going strapless or arm revealing you can't be a large out of shape mama. Next year or award show, she better rock the bold colors and get funky. She is young, has curves, and needs to revamp herself as a vixen who isn't afraid of color again.
Holly Hunter looks amazing. But I am not going to lie here. She straight up ripped off Felicity Huffman. Remember when she showed up to the Emmy's in that pink dress with huge buff toned arms? It was a little scary and hot at the same time. Holly Hunter is pulling off the same look. Middle aged actress with a buff, overly toned body. It's hot, but it's been done before.
Jenna Fischer looks simply amazing in this dress. And the low hanging huge diamond bling was hot. But the color of the dress is all wrong. The flowing cut, and low neck line, and little bit of a train going on that was very flow-y was great for the carpet, but the color was absolutely drab.
I am not feeling these short dresses. Katrina Bowden fom 30 Rock wearing this blue cotton candy dress. It looks off. Her legs look too skinny to pull this off. The shoes were hot, but because she looks so tiny and petite, her feet look like giant feet. Tanorexic.
Kyra Sedgwick looks boring. She is beautiful for her age, but she has a rocking body and should have pulled off a bolder dress. I don't mean midlife crisis pink like Holly Hunter and Felicity Huffman. I just mean something with a little umph, color, or detail to the dress. She has done it before and wowed us all. but not this time.
Christina Applegate!! This is one of my favorite picks. She looks great, the color pops, the bling was hip and loose fitting like this dress. She always nails it. This is the first real A+ effort for me. Maybe Viola Davis was the first.
Laura Linney. There isn't anything technically wrong with this look. I am just not feeling it. She again is one of those women who is ultra cool and can get risque on the carpet. I feel like she played it too safe. I am not in love with that color. It's just boring. She looks good, but I want to see some more risk taking from her.
Jane Krakowski looks hot!. Admittedly, I cannot stand this bitch. Her chipper face, annoying voice. She makes me want to stick my head in an oven just seeing her or hearing her. But having said all that, you can't deny when a hot mama gets it right. The low cut, the sleek lines, the bold red on a blonde. It works really well.
Penelope Cruz. Boring. She looks like a black velvet poster from the 70's and 80's. You know the kind that you stuck a black light on. Some people had panthers, and others had Elvis. And then that piece of leather around the neck holding it all up. It seemed so out of place. It was a small detail with a big impact. Like if she had a piece of lint on the dress that you could see but no one did anything about it. It just sits there and your eye can't be pulled away from it. She needed a fat leather belt to balance it all out. Add something to it.
Evan Rachel Wood. She looks good. But in this picture for some reason, she looks like Marcia Cross 20 years ago. Before the botox and pulled back forehead.
Anne Hathaway. Like another Grecian Goddess on the carpet. The only beef I have with her, is her hair. She needed to pull that up. Or at least wash and comb it first.
Claire Danes. Meh. I don't really care about her. She is another snobbish actress who has gone London. Boyfriend from London, spends time there and an accent will begin soon like Paltrow and Madge. She is boring and stoic and appears to have zero personality or patience for these kinds of events.
Teri Hatcher. This is more of an Oscar dress. It's okay. But look at her ridiculous face. It ruins the whole look. Great dress, horrible face. That clown smile is ridiculous. No one cares about you anymore. What the fuck have you got to be shit eating grinned about?
The hottest look on the carpet all night. Kate Winslet looks hot. And the best part is, she put a little weight back on. She lost so much, she was becoming emaciated. And just because she got a tan everyone was saying how great she looked. She was getting too thin. Then she comes out with this blue dress and some curves back. HOT! Best look of the whole night.
From the best, to the worst. My girl Tina Fey. No! No! No! Short dresses like this make women look short and frumpy. First off it's shit brown. No! Then it makes her hips look huge. No! And lastly, though you can't tell in this picture, it made her tits look small, deflated, and frumpy. Just bad over all. And I am not trying to hate on Fey. I love her. But this was a disaster for her.
Diane Lane. Again nothing technically wrong with this look. In fact she looks amazing. The problem is, she always looks amazing. Like every single time. It's become boring because you can always expect greatness from her. I think maybe some slutty hot mama dresses that are totally inappropriate for the red carpet once in a while would be fun for her. She is so hot she could totally pull it off. But maybe I am alone on that one.
Amy Adams. The poor mans Isla Fisher. She nailed it. She looks amazing and the detail on her dress is fierce. Good for you girl.
Speaking of Marcia Cross. Hell to the No! This is a hot mess. For a Gothic Ball, this would be excellent, for a Hollywood red carpet event No. And those fucking eye brows from an overly botoxed head, her face looks straight up weird.
Freida Pinto. She looked so lovely. Simple dress, and she just has so much natural beauty, she didn't need much to look great. I have a feeling that fucking hacks on E will give her shit for this. They will say it wasn't good enough, or didn't do it for them. Fuck them if they even dare.
Marissa Tomei would have knocked this out of the park if there wasn't that big stupid bow on her shoulder. She has always maintained a great figure and that dress with the empire waist with satin detail would have been enough on it's on for her. But that stupid bow on her shoulder is silly and annoying.
I thought Katie Holmes looks wonderful. So many people giving her unnecessary shit about handing out the Best Actor to Sean Penn. Shut the fuck up with that shit. She looked hot, she is an actress, and that's the end of it.
All images via US Weekly.









Recent Comments